


Strength She Did Not Have

by ufp13



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-21
Updated: 2008-08-21
Packaged: 2017-10-29 05:06:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/316142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ufp13/pseuds/ufp13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An introspective view on Laura (and Bill), set between 'Flight of the Phoenix' and 'Resurrection Ship II'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength She Did Not Have

She couldn’t afford to love a man. Not now, not ever again: especially him. Yet, here he was, demanding entrance to her soul. Slowly but steadily, he had worked his way around, through, her stronghold, not even conscious of doing so, not aware of the barriers he was breaking through, until now; now that he was facing the last one. Despite it being calculated moves now, he didn’t change tactics.

She didn’t have the strength to uphold this last armour for much longer, not that she had much longer herself, but she doubted that her wall would last as long as she. How dare he distract her from her responsibilities? How dare he care for her in that way? How dare he force her to acknowledge to herself that she cared for him – deeply? This wasn’t their time because her time was running out. There wasn’t much left she had to give. All her strength and determination were reserved for taking care of business, for getting as much done as possible before her time was up, for making the hard decisions so those who outlived her wouldn’t have to make them and could sleep with a lighter conscience.

He had offered her to take from his strength, but it didn’t feel right to take without giving in return, to be selfish at a time when everybody carried his or her burden. She didn’t want to add to the weight on his shoulders, aware that she would do so in a short time by dying and leaving him behind to finish alone what they had started together – to take care of, to protect, the remainder of humanity. She didn’t know that he wished for her to be selfish, to take at least one last moment for herself before she would leave forever, didn’t know how much he longed to see her smile just one more time to have the image carry him through the grave times ahead, didn’t know how much he wanted to be selfish himself and share that moment, that smile, with her, didn’t know that he didn’t dare to grant himself such a moment knowing that she didn’t. He only hoped she would give in and bestow one last happy moment upon him, upon them. For all the injustice life had dumped on her, on them, they deserved all the happiness they could possibly fit into the blink of an eye to last them until eternity. However, it wasn’t his to take, only hers to give and his to give back just the same.

Her armour did waver under his gentleness and the pressure of a lifetime that raced to the end. He rejoiced in seeing it slip, though the accompanying circumstances saddened him; she hated herself for not having the strength to sustain it, for depending on him and his resource. Yet the shadow of a smile in his eyes, when he held her hand, becoming brighter the moment she squeezed his fingers made her realise that walls had their time and place, and that now, in the midst of all the wrongness, this was the right time to let go of them; so she smiled back, returning strength she hadn’t known existed.

Her end would be his, but he would carry on, the memory of her not on his shoulders but in his heart to make his burden lighter.

= End =


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